Xmas horrors

So you think Christmas is all smiles and happiness and light? There are more than a few horrors to be had at Christmas time, as long as you know where to look. I'm not talking about desecrating the holiday, I'm just saying that Christmas has something for everyone, even me. Last night the GF and I watched the George C. Scott version of A Christmas Carol (1984). It's a great version that accurately portrays the ghostly visitors and the actual drama and terror in the Dickens' story.

Sure, everyone remembers Scrooge saying "Bah, humbug!", then being visited by three ghosts, learning how great Christmas is and why he should be good, and then Tiny Tim gets well and walks again. Fantastic. Not as many people remember the details: Scrooge was always reviled by his father because Scrooge's mother died giving birth to him; The first spirit exists merely to torment Scrooge with visions of his past, and it's quite obvious, in the 1984 version, that she loves every minute of his pain; When Marley comes into the room, he first has to untie the cloth that holds his jaw shut, and when he does undo the knot, his mouth hangs open with his tongue out. I can't tell you how many nightmares that gave me when I was a kid. In short, it's a scary ghost story, just as valid for the horrors it evokes as for it's message of discovering the meaning of Christmas.



While George C. Scott does a good Scrooge, I really prefer the Alastair Sim version of Ebeneezer. It doesn't hurt that this 1951 version of the story, Scrooge, is in black and white, which adds to the "olde tyme" feel of the tale, and I really love that. Scrooge also has a great Marley scene, and here it is!




Of course, Scrooged, starring Bill Murray, also has a fine Marley-figure. This one also bothered for me for a while after seeing it. (I couldn't find the Marley scene itself, so here's the trailer.)



And, last but certainly not least...my favorite version of Marley...Statler and Waldorf in A Muppet Christmas Carol.

We should've gone to the beach!

Sorry for the double-postings today, but this is great and I wanted everyone to share in the fun I had while watching this trailer for Dead Snow. In Dead Snow a groups of young folks go on a skiing trip and end up fending off a horde of angry Nazi zombies.

Names and Faces

When I was a kid, around 10-12 years of age, a buddy and I would often wander the video store shelves looking thoroughly at all the videos we weren't allowed to rent. We hoped for a glimpse of nudity or gore so we could pretend we had some knowledge of the movie in question, even if we would never be able to see it. Sometimes the boxes themselves were all the scariness and violence I needed. I've since seen many of the movies I'd once thought were "soooo scary", and my feelings on most of them are "meh". They're not scary, and as an adult I realize that there wasn't any possible way for these films to live up to the expectations my 10-year old mind had invented for itself. Some of the titles were awesome though. I am still fooled by great titles and great movie posters, (and great book covers). Some movie titles just speak of awesome stories of terror and absurdly depraved depths of violence. I have some of the following titles on my Netflix queue, but I don't know if I really want to watch them. They seem so special and cool now, and I would hate to ruin that.

Dario Argento is known for making loose trilogies with his films. His latest movie, The Mother of Tears, is his last in the "Three Mothers trilogy". (Inferno, Suspiria, Mother of Tears.) The Mother movies span 30 years...so Argento gets around to finishing his projects eventually. His movies are great, and I've seen many of them. One of his films, and an entry in Argento's "animal trilogy", is not on DVD anywhere in the world. It's too hard to find a VHS copy of this film, and if you did find one it would be edited and have terrible tracking issues anyway. I'm talking about Four Flies on Gray Velvet. Talk about your descriptive, cool titles! Giallos from the 1970's tend to have great titles, and this is no exception. The flies make me think of death and decay, and the gray could be anything, decomposing skin, exposed brain tissue, the pillowcase of a strangulation victim. And then there's the velvet. It contrasts the other nouns in the title, and that contrast sprouts interest. I also want to see this film because it doesn't exist, and there's a feeling of completion that arises. I've seen all of Argento's other work, so this one's turn is up. Argento's titles could fill up the entirety of this post, so I'll leave you with one more, possibly my favorite because of its mixing of organic softness, and sharp killing objects: The Bird with the Crystal Plumage.

The Italian giallo's have so many great names, and the movies are so much fun too. The names are always darker than the content of the films themselves though, and they leave a bigger impression. All the Colors of the Dark is a fantastic title. It reminds me of a line from the Ray Bradbury story The Halloween Tree. The kids are riding their bikes through a ravine, and the line goes: "The ravine was filled with varieties of darkness." Description at its finest. Another favorite title of mine, and it's a doozy, is Your Vice is a Locked Room and Only I Have the Key. As you may expect, there's a ton of sex and nudity in this film, which is based on "The Black Cat" by Edgar Allen Poe. What Have You Done to Solange? is another good title that tells its own story. Something dreadful has been done, (to someone with a really unique name). It implies that, even after the discovery that something has occurred, the nature of the event is still unclear. The motive of the killer is unknown and, as we all know from Lovecraft, the unknown is the most terrifying thing of all.

And then there are those films that have names that are too ridiculous. You have to laugh, and then realize that you want to see that movie! The one that comes to mind most prominently is Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama. Who wouldn't want to see that? The title speaks of crazy ridiculousness that can't possibly be as crazy as the things going through your heads right now. Couple that film along with, Hell Comes to Frogtown, and you've got a double feature that'll draw its own crowd. With movie titles like these, the content becomes superfluous. You'll just be waiting on edge all day to use these titles in a sentence. Here are some more great titles that could probably inspire you to write your own horror story:

The Town that Dreaded Sundown -- (Apparently the movie does not do the video cover justice, but it is a terrifying poster.)
Incident On and Off a Mountain Road
Blue Eyes of the Broken Doll
The Loreley's Grasp
Countess Dracula's Orgy of Blood
Killer Klowns from Outer Space
Seven Blood-Stained Orchids
What Are Those Strange Drops of Blood Doing on Jennifer's Body? (Sounds like it's probably a full line of dialogue.)
Five Dolls for an August Moon
The Conqueror Worm -- (Not nearly as gruesome as it seems from this poster, and has nothing to do with Edgar Allen Poe, except the title is the same as his poem.)

Feeling adventurous or bored? Check some of these out. They're not all duds, but maybe you'd have a better time writing title-inspired fan fiction instead.

Believe!

Alright, boys and girls, I've got a surprise for you today. Partly because I'm lazy, partly because I caved, here's a guest post from the GF! If you are reading this and you know who I am, then you know who she is, and you can probably guess what this is going to be about. (That is not a reason to pass up this blog post however!) So without further ado, here is it, in the spirit of believing, and in the spirit of Christmas, (sorry Jewish friends), Dino Diva's guest blogging debut:

Those of you who know us know that we had an awesome trip to NYC this weekend. The entire trip was planned because of one reason: the Macy’s Birthday (a.k.a Thanksgiving Day) Parade.

Let me fill you in on the back-story…I grew up as an only child for most of my life. My mother raised me as a single mom (the best ever!) and we lived with my maternal grandparents for the first 7 or so years of my life. I am my mother’s only child and my grandparent’s first grandchild (for all three sets of grandparents). Saying that I was (am) spoiled would be an understatement. I needed/wanted/loved attention all the time and being an only child I got a lot of it. But when I couldn’t have everyone’s attention I could be a bit difficult to deal with. So Thanksgiving mornings at my grandparent’s house were hectic as my mom and grandma cooked and prepared for all my aunts and uncles to come over and celebrate. What to do with a little girl who wants to be involved with everything but really just gets in the way? Well being that my birthday is always right around Thanksgiving they decided they would plop me down in front of the TV and put the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade on TV for me to watch. Only they didn’t call it the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. They called it my Birthday Parade. And I was naïve and spoiled enough to really believe that there was a parade on TV for my birthday. Eventually I learned to read and figured out that the parade was actually for Thanksgiving, but my family continued to call it the birthday parade and I always watch it on TV every year. In our house the parade was always followed with Thanksgiving dinner, and then once everyone entered a turkey and stuffing coma we would sit and watch It’s a Wonderful Life and Miracle on 34^th Street. Its tradition and I love traditions, especially ones like this that give you the warm fuzzy feeling on the inside.

So as much as I have loved watching my birthday parade on TV I have dreamed of being there and watching the parade. And this year my dream came true. I have been bugging this blog’s author to take me to the parade this year because this time, in 2008, my birthday fell on Thanksgiving Day, and therefore, on the day of parade. Since we just live a few hours away, I could not think of a single reason why we should not go. So we have been planning for months and this past we actually watched the parade, street-side, up close and personal.

I really have always wanted to go the Macy’s parade and I had big dreams about this parade. Before we went everyone was trying to prepare me (in a nice way) for what the parade would really be like. I had hyped it up a lot and had high expectations. And last Thursday at 9am all my expectations were blown away by the most spectacular and amazing day of my life. I have never been so happy and I don’t think I ever will be again. We stood at 62^nd St and Central Park West on a clear, sunny 40 degree day with 2.5 million people and watched the best parade I have ever seen. Every float looked perfect. Every balloon soared graciously through the sky. Every clown waved and threw confetti on us. There were even people dressed as birthday cake and presents in the parade that came over and sang happy birthday to me. It was perfect. I expected at any minute to see Maureen O’Hara (as Doris Walker) strolling alongside of the parade. Everything I had seen in movies and on TV was coming true. I felt like I was in a movie.

And it was all because I believed.


The part of me that is still a child will always think of the Macy’s parade as my Birthday Parade. I will always watch it and be so excited to see the balloons and the clowns. And it’s because I believe in the magic of that parade.

This holiday season, Believe! Believe in a parade, believe in Santa Claus, believe in true love, believe in change, believe in hope, believe in the spirit of Christmas. Just believe.

To help you get in the believing spirit, watch some of my favorite movies that always fill me with warm fuzzies and holiday delight:

Miracle on 34^th Street

It’s a Wonderful Life

The Bells of St. Mary’s

The Santa Clause

The Shop Around the Corner

Love Actually

Holiday Inn

National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation

Babes in Toyland (the 1961 Annette Funicello version)

White Christmas

Scrooged

How the Grinch Stole Christmas

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer

XOXO

DinoDiva, aka the GF

Seeing is believeing...unfortunately

When you watch a movie, your brain doesn't really have to do a whole lot of work in terms of interpreting what you are seeing. But the movie is playing a trick on you. Film is composed of tiny little pictures, or frames, moving by the screen very fast, kind of like a flip book. A movie is watched at 24 frames per second, or fps. So the first trick is that your brain thinks you're seeing smooth movement when you're really seeing 24 pictures flying by per second. (Slow motion photography is shot with many more frames a second. If you were to shoot a rattlesnake striking at a mouse at 24 fps, you'd miss the strike. You need to shoot a rattlesnake at 300 fps to catch the strike. Then you can slow it down and play it back at 24 fps so it appears to be going slower.) So already, at its most basic, film is making jumps and your brain is filling the gaps on its own.



When a movie tells you about something, your brain invents the rest itself. The movie hasn't actually shown you anything, but you assume you've already seen it and that you know how it went down. In Who Framed Roger Rabbit, there is a scene wherein Judge Doom "kills" a 'toon shoe by slowly dipping it into The Dip. It's not shown on screen, but given the onlookers' facial expressions and the sound effects, it's pretty obvious that what happened wasn't pretty and was most likely painful to the 'toon shoe. You have this picture in your head of some awful and horrible death of this shoe. It's far worse in your head than it could ever be on-screen. Of course, you get to find out the difference between where your mind took that scene and the filmmakers' reality of the situation at the end of the film when you watch Judge Doom die-by-Dip. It is not impressive or scary. I had envisioned something like the deterioration of Quentin Tarantino's character in Planet Terror.

Which brings us to the fundamental difference. In Planet Terror, everything is shown. You get to see the bodies melt and ooze all over. It's goddamned disgusting...and awesome...and nothing is left to the imagination. However, Planet Terror does use a trick in this vein with Naveen Andrews' character, Abby. Abby has a testicle collection. He keeps it in a jar. You never see him go collecting, but you see the ridiculous weapon he uses and you see the jar full of balls. This is all you need to get a clear mental picture of how Abby gets the testicle for the jar. You don't need to see him cut anyone's balls off, you're already seeing it. And what's going on in your mind is far far worse than what anyone could show you on film. The best way to get the point across is to let the viewer play with the elements on their own and be grossed out on their own.

A recent personal experience in this vein happened with Eli Roth's Cabin Fever. Cabin Fever is "famous" for a scene in which Cerina Vincent is shaving her legs in the bathroom and her skin is coming off with every stroke. Yes it's gross, but it's a whole lot more gross in your mind right now than it is on film. Roth used CGI to film this effect, so the gouges that Cerina makes aren't really that realistic. They look like decals on her legs, with little depth. When I heard about this scene I thought we were going to see the skin peeling and building up behind the razor. I expected blood to come out and I expected bits of skin to be caught between the blades. I had built up a lot of fear of watching this scene. It turns out I didn't need to worry about it.

Takashi Miike did it much better with Imprint when he filmed the scenes with the needles being inserted under the girl's fingernails. He used fake fingers filled with blood, and slightly transparent with a light behind them. That way you saw the needle going in and you could still make it out even after if was underneath the nail. Miike's style is different, and he likes to show you all sorts of things, but he makes them really hard to watch, so he doesn't let you down. It is always as bad as it seems like it's going to be.

I bring this up because people tend to vilify movies for things that don't actually happen. in Se7en, the example I mentioned yesterday, there is a man who is forced to fuck a prostitute with a strap-on knife. You don't see anything. You don't even see her body afterwards. You see the guy talking about the ordeal to the cops, and you see a brief picture of the knife in question. Boy, is that all you need! I put that pic into my blog yesterday, and I'm sure not everyone enjoyed it. That knife, along with the mention of its use, could have pushed that movie into an R-rating without any help from the other violence. On the other side of the spectrum, a movie that is thought the be one of the bloodiest and violent movies of all time, The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, actually has almost no blood at all. People always think back to that movie and remember all this blood, but really they only saw the chainsaw, heard the motor and saw people about to get ripped apart. No one actually gets killed in a graphic manner on screen. It's all implied. Sometimes it's better to have it implied, but it really works your fears overtime. For squeamish people, it's really better to just watch it. Hearing about can just mess you up.

It's not all bad

Violence in movies/video games/TV is consuming advocacy groups and parents and others who feel like protesting things is a good idea - it has been for a long while. I feel that most of the time the people doing the protests are more worried about being heard than by saying accurate things. Problems are pointed out, but not solved and blame is inaccurately placed.

Recently there was a coup in the world of too-much-violence-in-the-media. Many of you know that there are ratings on video games, (E - Everyone, T - Teen, M - Mature, AO - Adults Only, RP - Rating Pending), but far less of you may know that there is a body of people who rate game ratings for parents. This organization is called The National Institute on Media and the Family and they have been giving out report cards for the video game industry for the last ten years. They keep an eye on what types of games are being released, how the developers advertise, how stores sell and keep tabs on mature games, and how parents treat their kids' video game habits. I usually hate groups like these because they devolve into ridiculous satires of themselves. (Give this group time and maybe I'll be proven wrong.) But seeing things like this year's report card gives me hope that this group won't fall victim to radical bashing and unwarranted fear mongering.

This year's report card was very interesting and it proves that these people are really thinking and trying to get their goals achieved in positive ways. Here's a rundown:

ESRB ratings: A (how well the ratings reflect in-game content)
ESRB rating education: A (how well the public is educated on the ratings system)
Retailer ratings enforcement: B+ (do retailers refrain from selling M-rated games to kids)
Game console manufacturers: A (how good are the parental controls built into consoles)
Parental involvement: Incomplete (do parents check out what their kids are playing)

Read it for yourself.

The group also gives it's top ten games to avoid, but it also gives suggestions for parents on what to buy for their kids of different age groups. This is heartening because it proves that the site isn't just focusing on the bad in video games, but recognizes that video games are perfectly great entertainment, as long as you pay attention to what age groups are being exposed to what games...just like with movies.

Also, it's nice to see that these folks know that it's not Microsoft or Sony's fault that ten-year olds play Grand Theft Auto. The blame is falling on the parents for failing to parent! Careless parents, the same ones that think that anything animated is for kids, are just letting their children play video games without a care in the world. The same parents that think that because South Park: The Movie is animated, it's alright for kids, are the same parents who think that because it's a video game, that it's for children.

What exactly am I getting at? I'll tell you. When I was 15, I saw a little movie called Se7en. It's a great thriller with good acting and it's scary. It is grimy and has awesome atmosphere and is directed by one of my favorites, David Fincher, (Fight Club, Panic Room, Alien 3, Zodiac, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button). Now, apart from making me even more interested in great movies by David Fincher, I also started reading the classics. I read Dante's Inferno, Chaucer's Canterbury Tales (in Old English, thank you very much) and The Merchant of Venice as a direct result of watching Se7en. Now I realize that most teenagers wouldn't watch a movie like Se7en and then rush out to Border's to buy Penguin Classics, but I'll tell you, there was more creative violence in those books than in most of the movies I've seen, and if you know me, you know I've seen a shit-ton of violent movies. I wanted to expand the experience of the movie and see where all this sick shit came from. I was not disappointed.

Sure, in Se7en, there's a guy who fucks a prostitute with a knife, but they mention that it happened, you don't see any of it. (That's actually worse, but maybe I'll write about why it's worse tomorrow.) However, in Dante's Inferno, a guy gnaws through another guy's skull and eats his brain. I play Grand Theft Auto IV, and I do a lot of horrible violent things in that game. But I also have spent a lot of time walking and driving around a fairly accurate facsimile of New York City, and during my recent trip there, I shit you not, my knowledge of Liberty Cities' subway system helped me grasp the way NYC's subway works.

These are little examples, and they probably don't apply to a large number of people, but I took some positive things away from sources that are looked down upon for their complete lack of anything beneficial. I'm not advocating that kids should be playing GTA IV...after all I'd hate to have them think that the best way to get your money back from a prostitute it to run her over with your car, there are some things you should just discover for yourself when the time is right. We want our children, and the populace in general, to be interested in art and classic literature and culture, so who's to complain when the route that brings us to that destination isn't ideal?

Just a quickie today...

So, over the Thanksgiving weekend, the GF and I were in NYC doing it up "Warriors"-style, getting in fights and roaming the streets expanding our turf. What we really did was get kinda dressed up and go see "Equus" on Friday night. "Equus" starred Daniel Radcliffe (Harry Potter) and Richard Griffiths (Uncle Dursley). It was quite a show, and really great. I went in expecting to see a show starring Harry Potter, but went out having seen a great performance by Daniel Radcliffe. (To answer your questions: Yes, he gets naked. Yes, I feel privileged.) I'm sure many many people had the same feeling. However, I then watched the new Harry Potter 6 trailer, and remembered who Daniel Radcliffe really is: Harry fucking Potter.

http://www.apple.com/trailers/wb/harrypotterandthehalfbloodprince/
More later, but I just wanted to get the word out about the new HP trailer, since I didn't know it existed until I stumbled upon it by accident.

PS: Jim Broadbent will rock the house as Horace Slughorn.